E A T L I G
H T
"Let there be light!"
I
switched on the light. The room glowed with a white warmth as my eyes adjusted
to the sudden brilliance, that nearly matched the glow in my heart.
But
what is light? Oh, sure it travels at approximately 299,793 kilometers per
second, but what is this speedy thing we call light? Is it glass, from the
bulbs that glow with light? No, a glass bulb alone doesn't do the trick, it has
to be in a socket and turned on so that electricity flows through it. Then
light is electricity! No, you can have light without electricity, just look at
the sun, or light a match. Fire needs no electricity, yet gives off light. But
what do a light bulb, fire and the sun all have in common? Heat! So heat is
light. But is it really? Human flesh is warm, but is it light. It must take a
certain minimum temperature for objects to radiate with light. But does it
radiate or come in waves? It was long believed to be waves, as an electromagnetic
disturbance, propagated through the electromagnetic field. But Einstein came
along and theorized that light is not waves of varying lengths but photons of
varying energies. Each theory has its advantages and drawbacks. Most likely it
is some unforeseen combination of the two. We would not be too far off to say
that light radiates out from its source whether it's in the form of waves or
photons.
The
sun radiates. Light bulbs radiate. Fire radiates.
Yes,
radiation fills the air. Heat is a form of radiation. Light is a form of
radiation. Energy is emitted by waves or particles by all these sources.
We
breathe the air. Cattle and fish breathe air into their systems, which filters
into their veins, which supplies nutrition to the muscles and the body. We eat
the meat of these animals.
We
breathe radiation, we eat radiation, and we live in radiation.
So?
Radiation is a fact of life, what can we do about it?
I
have previously mentioned the need for a campaign to stop breathing.
"How?" I just heard you ask. "We'll die,” you say. Just read my
past article "Bad Breath" for the clear-cut facts on the
unnessecities of breathing. You will see, through a simple test, how ridiculous
you have been all these years.
Okay,
now you know it's possible to go without breathing. But you want to know why.
Radiation is why. The radiation in the air is the reason you grow old. I also
believe that this radiation, though some call it "mild", is deforming
our children little by little. Radiation, any scientist will tell you, is what,
most likely is the cause of evolution. But this evolution is not what they
think. It is the reverse of what they are saying! De-evolution is being proven
as I speak. Ask anyone if the generation that follows his is up to the old
generation’s standards. We did not descend from monkeys but are descending to
them. Did you see the classic "Planet of the Apes" for a look into
the future? Do you listen to DEVO records all day? Then you, my friend, also
know of the vast dangers of this dreadful radiation that is ruining all out
lives. We shouldn't just rid ourselves of the Nuke plants but also the plants
that are making oxygen, which are carriers of this dreadful radiation. It’s
like being on a diet in a candy store. It's hard to keep from breathing when
there is so much air all around. Just as we say smoking is bad for us yet the advertising
still runs rampant and they are more available than vitamins. Let's get rid of
the things around us that are harmful and tempting. Ban cigarettes, chocolate, booze
and plants!
Some
hard facts:
Did
you know that five out of every seven mental retardation cases are caused by radiation?
Two
or three hours of exposure to the sun can slow the process by which the eyes
adapt to the dark by several hours. And two or three hours of lying on a sunny
beach without protecting your eyes can temporarily reduce night vision by 50%.
I bet this has something to do with radiation.
Radiation
exposure can lead to cyclostomatous.
A
radio signal could reach from Moscow to New York in less time than it takes a
mothers voice to reach her children playing in the back yard, 40 feet away.
Radio signal sound like it has something to do with radiation, so they probably
move at comparable speeds. Do you want radiation reaching your kids before you
do!?
Ninety-nine
out of everyone hundred people who have worn underwear in the last four years
will die a radiation related death.
Radiation
will kill more people this year than last year.
These
are just some of the hard to find facts of a radiation soaked society. Believe
me, I could give you a list like this, right off the top of my head, all day
long.
Death
is common. No one as of yet has escaped it. What do all these people that have
been dying have in common? They all breathe, or have, at one time in their
life, taken, knowingly, a breath. See where breathing gets you? Breathing is
for the dead.
I
know that even though you have read my historic article "Bad Breath"
and know that breathing is just a bad habit and can be stopped, you still say,
"Well, I have to eat!" Because you know that all animals of earth are
infected with this radiation from their breathing habits. Yes, animals are
stupid enough to breath, they lack the reasoning power that human’s have at our
disposal. But how can you expect any other animals to be smart enough to
refrain from breathing when, up until now, man hasn't been smart enough to
stop, and man is the smartest animal of all? Unless you count whales because
they’re pretty smart – probably smarter than man. And unless you count
dolphins, and dogs and ameba, we are at the top of the list for smartest
creatures – at least on this planet.
How
can you stop? What does it take to break some of these fifty habits?
Stopping
breathing is easily, and I already cover that in an earlier article. “Bad
Breath” makes clear the unnecessities of breathing and how to stop. To quickly summarize
–– just don’t think about it.
But
how about eating?
Don't
eat. Wouldn't you rather die a simple starvation death or wait around a while
to die an agony filled radiation death?
It’s
a well-known fact (I know it very well) that quitting smoking is harder than
quitting eating.
But,
knowing that many of you out there are die-hard traditionalists, I have another
solution. Eat fish and drink only distilled water. Fish is relatively safe from
radiation. The air that fish breath is filtered by the water and has only l/l00th
the radiation levels of the air and the animals above the surface. But please
don't drink this water with the radiation filtered into it, drink distilled
water.
One
quick note about not breathing, make sure you have a strong heart. Many people
already have tried to stop breathing and in their panic and stubborn refusal to
give up outdated and disprovable beliefs they have suffered heart attacks. It
works, but only if you believe with all your heart. Amen.
So,
if you insist on eating, make sure it's fish. And if you still insist on
breathing, make sure it's under water so that the air is filtered.
Carnivorously yours,
èim Uhr
P.S:
Some more helpful hints on the cautions of
radiation
poisoning.
1.
Wash all fish with distilled water after bring
it home.
2.
Don't let wines breathe before drinking.
3. Don't let yourself slip back into the
breathing habit.
4.Teach your children to stop breathing at a
young age, so they won’t grow up all soggy
from the radiation.
5. If the doctor slaps your newborn to bring
about her first breath – slap him right back!
6.
Remember to forget breathing every day.
7. Any sexual excursions should be done with
nose plugs and your mouth closed tight.
8. Tape the first 7 helpful hints to your
forehead so that people can remind you of
them throughout your day.